Ask Dr. Mike I broke down and gave my 13-year-old daughter a smart phone for her birthday. She wanted one, and even though I was a bit leary, I wanted to be able to contact her. But now she is always on the phone, texting and using apps. I looked at some of the pictures on her apps, and I find them disturbing. Should I take her phone away? Should take away the internet from her phone? I feel like I need to know what she’s looking at, but I also feel like I’m invading her privacy when I … [Read more...]
September 23, 2013 By
Ultimately, There’s Only One Thing that Really Motivates Children (And Adults)
September 23, 2013 By
What will motivate Molly to do her homework? Her inherent love of mathematics? Probably not. In general, we don’t first love mathematics and therefore do mathematics. It’s just the opposite: We come to love mathematics when we get good at it. What will motivate Molly to do her homework? The promise of prizes from her mother? Perhaps. But only as long as the prizes keep coming. And only as long as Sally is interested in the prizes. And then, she’ll be motivated to get the prize, … [Read more...]
How to Get Kids to Pitch In
September 22, 2013 By
Mom: “Paul, please bring those dishes into the kitchen and put them in the dishwasher.” Paul: “They’re not mine.” Mom: “You live in this house, right? So you have to pitch in.” Paul: “But it’s not my responsibility.” Mom: “Just do it, Paul.” Paul: “Okay, but I don’t see why I have to…” Sound familiar? You are not alone. It’s often very difficult to motivate children to “pitch in” and help with everyday family chores. One way that children try to get out of … [Read more...]
Don’t Be Shameless! Why Good People Feel Shame
September 22, 2013 By
by Michael F. Mascolo, Ph.D. We tend to have ambivalent feelings about shame. On the one hand, no one likes shame. Shame among the most painful emotions we can experience. We tend to think that shame is a harmful emotion. As a result, many parents try to protect their children from feelings of shame. Shame is painful that we even shy away from talking about it. On the other hand, shame is a moral emotion. Feelings of shame help shape the moral behavior of children and adults. Our … [Read more...]
How to Challenge a Child
September 22, 2013 By
We all know what Goldilocks was looking for as she sampled the three bowls of porridge made by Mother Bear: Not too hot, not too cold, but just right. Like anything, when helping our children adjust to emotional situations, getting it “just right” is easier said than done. Happily, however, we don’t have to get it “just right” all the time. Instead, we simply need to get it “just right” most of the time. Happier still, giving “just the right” emotional guidance is more a matter getting to … [Read more...]
Vulnerability is a Necessary Part of Development
September 22, 2013 By
Three-year-old Betsy is playing with her toys in the middle of the living room. The doorbell rings. Bob from next door has come by to show off his new Chihuahua. Betsy’s mom lets Bob in, and the little dog begins to run toward Betsy. Betsy shrieks in fear. Betsy’s mom immediately picks her up to protect her from the harmless but boisterous puppy. Children are vulnerable beings. When infants come into the world, they are entirely dependent upon their caregivers. Their emotions are … [Read more...]
Is Vulnerability a Form of Weakness?
September 22, 2013 By
by Michael F. Mascolo, Ph.D. What is your Achilles heel? According to the ancient Greek myth, the warrior Achilles was destined to die in battle. His mother, the Goddess Thetis, dipped him in the River Styx, which produced powers of invincibility. However, in order to dip Achilles into the river, she had to hold him by his heel. As a result, the heel was unprotected, and Achilles later died in battle from an arrow to his heel. When we are vulnerable, we are open to being wounded. … [Read more...]
The Meaning of Rosh Hashanah
September 22, 2013 By
by Karolyn Benger The Jewish new year Rosh Hashanah has just passed and I’ve been asked to write about its meaning...and the panic immediately set in. I have nothing to say. We eat apples dipped in honey in the hopes of having a sweet new year. We go to synagogue and pray endlessly for hours hoping to be “sealed” in the book of life. We listen to the shofar (a hollowed ram’s horn) to awaken our soul to repent. These rituals -- and there are many more -- have historical significance and … [Read more...]
Picking Dog Poo is My Cross to Bear
September 12, 2013 By
by Michelle X. Curran God, I wish I had a backbone. That’s not a heavenly plea. It’s more of a lament. For two weeks, I’ve been in turmoil over the fact that a neighbor’s dog has been pooping in my yard. For two weeks – two weeks! – I have gone out to my yard most every day, and, with great theatrics (i.e., looking around with great disgust, muttering not-so-much under my breath), have picked up steaming piles of fresh, fly-covered dog poo. Sorry. I’m not trying to gross you out. I’m … [Read more...]
