Mom: “Paul, please bring those dishes into the kitchen and put them in the dishwasher.” Paul: “They’re not mine.” Mom: “You live in this house, right? So you have to pitch in.” Paul: “But it’s not my responsibility.” Mom: “Just do it, Paul.” Paul: “Okay, but I don’t see why I have to…” Sound familiar? You are not alone. It’s often very difficult to motivate children to “pitch in” and help with everyday family chores. One way that children try to get out of … [Read more...]
Don’t Be Shameless! Why Good People Feel Shame
September 22, 2013 By
by Michael F. Mascolo, Ph.D. We tend to have ambivalent feelings about shame. On the one hand, no one likes shame. Shame among the most painful emotions we can experience. We tend to think that shame is a harmful emotion. As a result, many parents try to protect their children from feelings of shame. Shame is painful that we even shy away from talking about it. On the other hand, shame is a moral emotion. Feelings of shame help shape the moral behavior of children and adults. Our … [Read more...]
Is Vulnerability a Form of Weakness?
September 22, 2013 By
by Michael F. Mascolo, Ph.D. What is your Achilles heel? According to the ancient Greek myth, the warrior Achilles was destined to die in battle. His mother, the Goddess Thetis, dipped him in the River Styx, which produced powers of invincibility. However, in order to dip Achilles into the river, she had to hold him by his heel. As a result, the heel was unprotected, and Achilles later died in battle from an arrow to his heel. When we are vulnerable, we are open to being wounded. … [Read more...]
An Open Letter to Teens (and Parents) About Sex
September 10, 2013 By
By Michael F. Mascolo, Ph.D. The following is a letter to teenage children about sexuality. This letter is for all teens, regardless of their age, sexual orientation or political persuasion. It was written in a spirit that I hope will be seen as free from any particular political agenda, liberal, conservative or otherwise. My hope is that the values expressed in this letter will be something that many of us can agree upon. However, if we differ, my hope is that it will at least lead to … [Read more...]
Do You and Your Partner Speak Different Love Languages?
September 9, 2013 By
Jennifer comes home after a long day at work. Jeff has just prepared dinner for her and their three children. He is excited because he intends to inaugurate a special family meal involving a new recipe each week. The dinner is ready when Jennifer comes home. They sit and eat, and engage in a lively conversation. However, after the dinner, Jennifer seems sad. When Jeff asks why, Jennifer complained that Jeff never does anything to make her feel loved. What’s going on here? Jeff loves … [Read more...]
The Circle of Virtues: How to Cultivate Character Your Child
September 9, 2013 By
We all want our children to be moral. However, in a society made up of so many different groups of people, who gets to define what is moral? Whose morality? Whose values? At first blush, this seems like a difficult question. That is because there really is diversity when it comes to values and virtues. People and social groups differ. And we need to find ways to respect these differences. But this is where the conversation should start, not where it should end. The mere fact that we … [Read more...]
Our Culture of Narcissism: Has it Affected Your Child?
September 4, 2013 By
by Michael F. Mascolo, Ph.D. My door is open. A student comes into my office. She walks in and says, “I’d like to drop one of my classes”. I smile, and as welcoming as I can be, I ask, “Do we know each other?” Another student failed two courses during the previous semester. He had good reasons – a series of serious emergencies had emerged and he couldn’t complete his work. He was too ashamed to talk to his professors about his situation. I urged him to write to them. Knowing that he would … [Read more...]
Imagine Growing Up Straight in a Gay World
September 3, 2013 By
photo, ©2006, Christopher James Hughes by Michael F. Mascolo, Ph.D. If you are straight, imagine a different world. An upside down, topsy-turvy world. In this world, 90% of the people in the world are gay, lesbian or transgender; the remaining ten percent are heterosexual. So, you’re are kid raised by two gay men or by two lesbian women. Everything around you is designed for gay people and transgender people. Like the dead people in The Sixth Sense, the gay people don’t even know … [Read more...]
An Open Letter to Teens about Sex
August 28, 2013 By
By Michael F. Mascolo, Ph.D. The following is a letter to teenage children about sexuality. This letter is for all teens, regardless of their age, sexual orientation or political persuasion. It was written in a spirit that I hope will be seen as free from any particular political agenda, liberal, conservative or otherwise. My hope is that the values expressed in this letter will be something that many of us can agree upon. However, if we differ, my hope is that it will at least lead to … [Read more...]
Four Fears that Undermine Good Parenting
August 26, 2013 By
Many of us, as parents, harbor some unfounded fears that, if left unchecked, can easily get in the way of our attempts to be good parents. Nice Parent, Mean Parent Have you ever noticed how often parents speak – even in jest – of being “nice” or “mean” to their children? “My son wanted to go to a friend’s house before finishing his homework. I didn’t let him, and he missed the chance to see his friend. I’m such a mean parent!” “She knows she can get whatever she wants from her Dad. … [Read more...]
