Ten Reasons I Hate the Humidity


by Michelle Xiarhos Curran

My hair is really fine, so the humidity actually helps me there. But here are 10 reasons why I hate this dreaded weather.

1. My bathroom door doesn’t close all the way, making it even more difficult for me to shower, pluck my eyebrows or pee alone.

2. My face resembles an Exxon oil spill.

3. GUARANTEED that the load of laundry I put in the wash – insisting I’d stay up to transfer it to the dryer, but didn’t – needs to be washed again come morning so it doesn’t smell like it was washed in the ocean at low tide. Also GUARANTEED that there is an article of clothing in said load that I need immediately.

4. Just being makes me sweat. My sweat has sweat.

5. I’m sticky, and not in a Pour-Some-Sugar-on-Me kind of way. I have to shower six times a day, making it difficult to do other things, like getting dressed, or leaving the house. Or mothering my children.

6. Running 3 miles feels like running an ultra-marathon. I mean it feels like I am running through a giant sea of peanut butter. Or Nutella. Wait. THAT would be awesome.

7. The humidity makes me tired. And when I am tired, I am grouchy. Hold it. I’m tired with no humidity. And grouchy. Oh, WTF!

8. I find myself hypocritically telling others that I’d take 100 degrees in Texas over 75 degrees in New England. I used to want to punch people when they said, “Oh, it’s 110 degrees, but it’s a dry heat.”

9. Being outside makes me want to vomit. Being stuck inside our tiny house with three kids makes me want to vomit. I guess just don’t come near me if the dew point is too high.

10. Two words: Swamp ass.

Michelle Xiarhos Curran is a freelance writer and mom of three in Newburyport.  Visit her website at www.pbjandchardonnay.com.